Monday, January 31, 2011

Hi my name is Gina, and im a control freak

Ive come to terms over the past year or so that I am a control freak. I think it comes with the territory when you are a stay at home mom and are pretty much given the reigns to run the entire household. I control what we eat, how we spend our money, what we all wear, and the list goes on. So when this control is taken away, guess what happens, the control freak in me freaks out. Now that Ive had surgery, I feel like Ive lost control of EVERYTHING. Its more of a humbling experience than I expected. I lost control of my body, the ability to do simple things like shower and dress myself and get in and out of bed. I cant even FART when I want to because Ive lost the control of my stomach muscles! Joey thinks that one is hilarious, and would fart loudly in the hospital and laugh as I would glare at him in jealousy, YEP, pure jealousy. The pain of the anesthesia gas is no walk in the park. Another part of control I have lost is over my children and household. Im pretty anal when it comes to them. How I dress and clean them and do Kora's hair. Its all pretty stupid, but its my day to day job and its been taken over by a man who's job has pretty much been to go to work, come home, eat sleep and play with the kids for years. Im not saying he hasn't done an amazing job, but it drove me nutty at first. I realized today, for the first time since I was a teenager that I do not have any acne. Not on my face, or on my back or anywhere. I usually stress out and get all hormonal and it causes it to flare up. I realized that  my kids are bathed and well taken care of, they are happy and fed and dressed. I FINALLY for once in a really long time gave in. I gave in to letting him do things the way he wants to do them. Feed the kids how he wants to,punish them how he wants to, dress them how he wants to. Giving in has given me the most immense sense of relief I have had in a long time. My stress has been lifted off of my shoulders and I have let other people take care of me and not WORRY constantly about my clean house or what others will think. The reason I am writing about this is I think a lot of us moms are like this. We take on the weight of as much as we can handle plus some. We don't let our guards down and let others just take care of us once in a while. I really needed to do this since my body needs to be stress free as I heal. I feel free because I was finally able to let go and enjoy my "vacation" and my healing time emotionally and physically so that when I am back to myself, I can get back on my broomstick and work my magic of keeping it all together again :)

No comments:

Post a Comment